Drag me to Hell (2009) Review

Cast:
Alison Lohman as Christine Brown
Justin Long as Clay Dalton
Lorna Raver as Mrs. Ganush
Dileep Rao as Rham Jas
David Paymer as Mr. Jacks
Adriana Barraza as Shaun San Dena

Directed by Sam Raimi

Review:

The title pretty much speaks for itself. Drag Me to Hell is horror-movie heaven. Director Sam Raimi, breaking the shackles of mainstream success with his impressive Spider-Man trilogy, returns to the down-and-dirty that spawned him with The Evil Dead in 1983. The result, again co-written with his brother Ivan Raimi, plays like a gross-out competition put on by very talented fan boys. The laughs are as explosive as the screams. The loudest shriek comes from the PG-13 rating being squeezed of its last link to good taste. There's less blood and less violence, but the movie never stops spewing scares at you.

Since Army of Darkness came and went, the fans eagerly awaited the next adventure of Ashley J. Williams in another Evil Dead film. Although over a decade has passed since, and we still haven't gotten the movie we wanted, Raimi choose to make his come back to the genre that he shaped to put out Drag me to Hell. Much like the Evil Dead films, this film had character atmosphere and slapstick humor oozing from it.

It's like a comic book come to life that is full of color characters, crazy imagery and cheap gags that work every time. Raimi plays around with the audience by using the gross-out factor to the max. For example, in one scene Alison Lohman starts bleeding from her mouth, and when she goes to cover it, blood shoots from her nose all over the place. Another great gag is the gypsy is constantly is losing her dentures and pushing her disgusting old mouth on things (like Alison's face). Raimi fills the movie with these gross-out moments that keep the momentum burning from start to finish.

And for every bloody, gooey and disgusting scene, Raimi gives us an equally good scare. I'm not much of a person to jump in a theater, but I'll admit some scenes do take you by suprise. Typically a director will have a cat jump on screen or have a character slam a door shut - something cheap to get you to jolt. Raimi hits us with a barrage of punches as I jumped ten feet out of my seat on two separate occasions. He proves that he is a master of horror and suspense. All those horror director wannabes should watch this, they could learn something from it.

Quite simply put, DRAG ME TO HELL was a blast and moved quickly from start to finish. From what I saw, it's like a spookshow of a movie. Don't expect anything but a thrill ride out of it. The only question I was left with was, "Why isn't this Evil Dead 4?"

Rating: B+


B-

Wolverine (2009) Review

Cast:

Huge Jackman as Logan (Wolverine)
Liev Schreiber as Sabertooth
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool
Taylor Kitsch as Gambit

Directed by Galvin Hood

So, the makers of the franchise expansion "X-men Origins: Wolverine" have now revealed the psychological roots behind Wolverine, whose knuckles conceal long and wicked blades, and his famous 'berserker rage' (you have to be a comic nerd like me to understand) that has caused the angry Marvel hero to bare these adimantium claws for the first time. But, is he still the best there is at what he does?



Logan (or, shall we call him by his birth name, James) has quite the interesting origin story to start off the film with. Young James, born in the 1800's, first popped the claws and killed his father. Interesting. Then, were shown him being in all the major American wars, fighting along side his brother Victor (played ferociously by Liev Schreiber, in a good way). But, this sadly only takes up twenty minuets of the movie. The real story revolves around a squad of mutants led by the villainous William Stryker.


This is where the film makers decided to throw in some beloved mutants for their 5 min time in the spotlight (and then, sadly we'll never see them again). Ryan Reynolds is great as the merc with a mouth, Deadpool. Well, until they ruined his character toward the end of the film. Taylor Kitsch is pretty spot on for Gambit. The special effects ranged from great to Sci-fi channel bad. Wolverine's claws looked very fake at some points. Will there be another outing for Wolverine? It's inevitable. At some points, the action presented here is great. But as for story, not so much. Two things which usually mix well in a faithful comic adaption. Hopefully this time they'll get it right.
C

Terminator Salvation (2009) Review

Cast:

Christian Bale as John Conner
Sam Worthington as Marcus Wright
Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese
Moon Bloodgood as Blair Williams

Directed by McG

Ok, we've spent three movies and a television show explaining the importance of the character of John Conner and the horrors of when Judgment Day finally arrives. Now we are finally shown just that, but was it really worth the wait? Salvation takes place in the post apocalyptic future only hinted at and previewed of through flash backs in the previous films. In said previews, the future is war torn and destroyed. Terminators stand tall and menacing and patrol, killing all human survivors. In just a glance, John Conner is the leader on the resistance, and he looks it. This is Judgment Day.

Here, the future is bleak. All civilization has been wiped out, leaving only deserts - road warrior style. It's a great way of showing the world as a depressed lifeless plain, but not remotely close to the one hinted at before. John Conner is no leader. Sure, Bale looks cool as Conner, but he's not the guy the world needs. He just ain't the savior he's been build up to be.


Bale is one of this generation’s best actors, but his performance as Connor is the most one-note of his career. He has absolutely nothing to do other than scream bad one-liners at the top of his lungs (no wonder he blew up on set) while Worthington and the rest of the cast try hard to look macho for the camera. It sounded as if he was still trying to be like Batman, always talking with a dull raspy mumble. You can’t blame the cast, though, since they’re coming from a director like McG and an absolutely terrible screenplay (that was written and re-written by over a dozen names). Despite a few nods and inventive cameos, you’ll have to keep reminding yourself that you’re actually watching a Terminator film.


And since when did Terminators stop terminating? True to its PG-13 rating, Salvation feels neutered and marketed for teens, ditching the dark survivalist feel of Cameron’s future for a more family-friendly apocalypse. This time the machines rarely kill anyone and seem more concerned with capturing humans, putting them in cages, and shuffling them through long lines in endless warehouses. When their master plan involves kidnapping Kyle Reese to lure out John Connor, instead of simply killing him to prevent all that time travel stuff from happening, you can’t help but wonder why the machines were smart enough to become self-aware.

Oh, and Arnold does show up. Well, kinda. By using some kind of face recognition cg, it makes it seem Arnie is back and battling Bale. But it just ain't the same...

C+

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) Review

Cast:
Billy Nighy as Viktor
Michael Sheen as Lucian
Rhona Mitra as Sonja
Kevin Grevioux as Raze
Steven Mackintosh as Tannis

Directed by Patrick Tatopoulos

Review:

To be honest, after seeing this, I'd say the bloodsuckers had it coming. The first two films the lycans were the baddies, and you were all for the vampires. This time it's different. When Lycans picks up, the vampires are living in a big mountainside fortress under the reign of Viktor (Billy Nighy). Viktor fathers the upbringing of Lucian the first Lycan, a man/beast hybrid who can transform at will. He enslaves the dutiful Lucian (Michael Sheen) and forces the young man to create more like him (a simple process of capture, bite, and repeat). With an army of Lycans, the vampires can now use these creatures to do the grunt work and serve as guard dogs from the true werewolves that live in the surrounding woods. But,Viktor's runaway creation will ultimately turn on him.


Unbeknownst to Viktor, his daughter, Sonja (Rhona Mitra), is in love with Lucian. This forbidden "Romeo & Juliet" affair, thankfully, isn't seen blossoming in Lycans - it's already happening. When we first find Lucian sneaking beyond the confines of the castle walls, it's because he's off with Sonja on a mountaintop. There's always bound to be eyes watching somewhere, however, and it isn't long before this relationship creates conflict between Sonja and Viktor, then Viktor and Lucian...then Lucian's army and anyone who happens to sport a pair of fangs and wear a cool scary armor.


Tatopoulos and screenwriters Danny McBride, Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain present what they've teased since the first film: A crowd of vampires and werewolves tearing each other apart. Of course that's the pay-off as Tatopoulos devises a number of brutal action set-pieces throughout the film to get you warmed up, from a werewolf sneak attack to a Lycan prison break during which the vampire Death Dealers turn their massive crossbows into the castle for a slaughter that finds prisoners being harpooned through the chest and face. When the big brawl comes, it is admittedly pretty cool to witness hundreds of werewolves charging into battle.


Without some advancement in the special effects, none of this would have worked and thankfully Tatopoulos and his team, on both the practical and CG front, pull it off. Ross Emery's photography captures the gloomy visual aesthetic of the series which, in fact, helps ease the digital-looking nature of the loping lycanthropes who, here, bound through the trees, burrow in the ground and scale rock walls. (Although I find it funny that during their "down time" they're just lounging around in a cave somewhere.)


The production design is eye-catching and the attention to detail is to be commended. Tatopoulos succeeds in making Lycans look big. The castles, caves, and forests are amazing. Even the costumes worn look great. Without a doubt the team behind this latest entry knows the world inside and out and they've crafted an enjoyable living, breathing gothic fairytale. It still takes itself pretty seriously, but unlike the previous entries, you're not sitting through the action sequences preoccupied with trying to sort out the labyrinthine connections between all of the characters (a big flaw of Underworld: Evolution). Lycans wets the appetite for not more adventures of Selene and Michael Corvin (Beckinsale and Scott Speedman, respectively) but exploration of Lucian's journey. Furthermore, it launches what is hopefully a long directing career for Tatopoulos. This is an auspicious debut for the FX and production design vet.


B-

Midnight Meat Train (2008) Review

Cast:
Bradley Cooper as Leon Kauffman
Vinnie Jones as Mahogany
Leslie Bibb as Maya
Brooke Shields as Susan Hoff
Roger Bart as Jurgis

Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura

Review:

Bradley Cooper is Leon, a photographer living with his supportive girlfriend, Maya (Bibb), a waitress at a nearby diner. Leon gets his big chance to woo a local art gallery owner, Susan Hoff (Shields), but when she delivers him some harsh truths about his work, he's forced to go deeper and get grittier before his photos can be deemed worthy to line Hoff's gallery. So, off Leon goes, into the bowels of the city, at first drawn to the subway by following a group of thugs who ultimately harass a young woman Leon saves. The next day, however, said woman is on the front page of the paper, reported "missing." His second jaunt to the subway introduces him to a tall man named Mahogany (Jones in a non-speaking role) which sets off an obsession in Leon and an eventual suspicion that Mahogany could be responsible for a rash of disappearances throughout the city. This naturally upsets his loving relationship with Maya and propels Leon down a blood-soaked path.

Midnight Meat Train starts off strong and wastes little time plumbing the depths of Leon's dedication to his craft. There's a sense of sympathy for Mahogany, evident in the Barker story, that's lost in translation. Still, Jones is a force to be reckoned with and his performance recalls the old days of cinema where so much expression needs to be read in the eyes and face.

There are some memorable kills on display and director Kitamura doesn't skimp on the blood. He also obviously doesn't mind the ambiguity Buhler's script offers in the end (a faithful conclusion) which is so goddamn refreshing in this day and age of exposition.

Questionable pacing issues aside, Midnight Meat Train is a welcome, adult R-rated horror film. A sobering reminder - hitting you like a slap to the face - that there are still plenty of Barker stories, however bizarre, ripe for adaptation. Midnight Meat Train was one and it may have taken some time to reach its final destination, but the wait was worth it. It's seedy, strange, creepy as hell and it relishes an exploitive gross-out gag here and there. That's a a ride I'll take anyday.

B+

Laid to Rest (2009) Review

Cast:
Bobbi Sue Luther as The Girl
Kevin Gage as Tucker
Lena Headey as Cindy
Sean Whalen as Steven
Richard Lynch as Mr. Jones
Johnathon Schaech as Johnny
Thomas Dekker as Tommy
Nick Principe as Chrome Skull

Directed by Robert Hall

Review:
Sometimes I worry that I blindly accept any slasher movie that comes along as being worthwhile, regardless of the film's actual quality. Admittedly that's not a great deal to worry about but I as I eagerly embrace one slasher film after another as other fans and critics jump to pick them apart, I do have to wonder if my misspent adolescence being a huge fan of the '80s horror flicks made me too fond of the slasher sub-genre for my own good. But thankfully, Laid To Rest is the exception that proves the rule. I really disliked this movie, which leaves me relieved to know my objectivity is intact.

The plot is quite simple: an amnesiac woman (Bobbi Sue Luther) wakes up inside of a casket in a funeral home. Upon escaping from the casket, she immediately finds herself pursued by the diabolical killer known as Chrome Skull (Nick Principe) and is forced to run for her life. With no memory of who she is or why this killer is targeting her, she has no choice but to stay ahead of Chrome Skull at all costs ? seeking help wherever she can find it.

Although I don't find the cinematography to be anything special, the elaborate splatter effects (courtesy of Hall's FX company Almost Human) are down right amazing. And slasher fans like myself will take enthusiastic notice of Laid To Rest's villainous Chrome Skull. With his gleaming skull mask, it's as though he stepped off the cover of an early '80s heavy metal album. As soon as you see him, you want to see him in action. But while he does get in some amazing kills, sadly Laid to Rest is a terrible debut for old Chrome Skull.

Every half decent slasher needs a good survivor girl, who thwarts the villain and against all odds comes out on top in the end. Luther's character really does come across as someone who doesn't have the skills she needs to live through this ordeal. Rather than evincing the kind of resourcefulness and self-sufficiency that one wants to see in a slasher heroine, Luther brings a lot of whimpering and crying to it.

The amount of blood shed on display here might be enough to warrant a cursory glance from slasher fans but while Chrome Skull's metallic mask is an undeniably cool sight; Laid To Rest's characters and plotting could have been better.

C

Friday the 13th (2009)

Cast:
Jared Padalecki as Clay
Derek Mears as Jason Voorhees
Danielle Panabaker as Jenna
Amanda Righetti as Whitney
Travis Van Winkle as Trent
Aaron Yoo as Chewie
Arlen Escarpeta as Lawrence
Julianna Guill as Bree

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Review:

I liked the cast, I liked Jason's look, and I liked that they seemingly were trying really hard to make an F13 film that would sit comfortably with parts 1-4 (swap out 3 for 6, and that's the best of the franchise). And while the end product is satisfying and occasionally great, there are some blunders that keep it from being the "ultimate Jason" movie that it could have easily been with another pass or two at the script.

Ok, so this is what works. The opening scene, which quickly explains the events of the original Friday, is in my opinion a great idea. You can't ignore the mother, but you don't want to take to much time on it either, so they blend it with the opening credits and get it out of the way. Also, Derek Mears is a great Jason - he's got the physicality and presence to match up with the best Jason's yet. Great job with the makeup, too. Making him look human, but not just a hillbilly in a mask, like he often appeared in the earlier films. You really feel that he's a guy who's lived in the woods for his whole life. As far as the 'unique' kills featured in the ladder of the franchise, Jason sticks to the basics (machete, axe, his bare hands) for the most part. He even uses an arrow for the first time since the original, showing he's smarter than you'd expect. As I've said before, it's the films without gimmicks (Jason goes to Manhattan, Jason goes to Hell and ever Space for instance), with Jason just being Jason, that turn out the best.

For every plus, there's a minus. The biggest is the rather awkward setup. After the "Mrs. Voorhees" prologue, we are introduced to a group of kids. But Jared Padalecki and the other main actors are not among them, so you know they aren't living long - they are ultimately just there to provide a body count (this film has 13 corpses to be exact) and introduce Amanda Righetti's character, who Padalecki will spend the entire film looking for once he is finally introduced. Weird enough, this throwaway group of kids is actually more fun and "Friday" style than the real group that comes along later. So while you are enjoying their antics and interactions
(some funny, some rather brutal), you know they're all goners. It's basically a second prologue, one that lasts about 15-20 minutes. With the happenings here, most horror movies would be over, but this is only the beginning.

Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) is playing a variant of the Rob character from part 4, venturing to Crystal Lake six weeks later to find his sister. The other kids are natural and fun and function as they are supposed to, no complaints there. Usually in every Friday movie (and most slasher films) there's one last survivor, usually a girl, who finds all her friends bodies and eventually confronts the killer. The search for missing sister setup allows for the film to have essentially two Final Girls. Righetti is one, the other is Danielle Panabaker. You know the fates of every other character, so it was nice to have a little bit of suspense whenever one of the two girls were in danger, because you suspect that one of them will die, you're just not sure which. It's one of the best ways around an inherent flaw in the slasher formula I've ever seen.

Jason using bear traps and setting trip wires to alert him is a good addition to the character. I prefer the 'human' Jason, and here's the best one yet. The movie is the best since Jason Lives (part 6, this was part 12) by far, which in itself is a huge accomplishment, as I was starting to suspect that it was just not possible to make a good Jason film anymore. The Dunes have done that; I just hope next time they make a great one.

B+