There's nothing funny about these games...

Unsettling, disturbing, harrowing.

Such words could be used to describe the plot of many a horror film that has seen the light of day recently. Given the nature of the stories and scenes in the Saw and Hostel franchises, to name a few, unsettling, disturbing and harrowing should certainly fit their bills. Indeed, horror’s now rather stale renaissance has seen a new sub-genre coined for them, the wonderfully withering ‘torture-porn’. For a second time Michael Haneke now asks, so this is our entertainment?

The Austrian auteur first made Funny Games in German in 1997, and now ten years later gives us a US remake with Naomi Watts and Tim Roth. I can't say that I have seen the original, but from what I hear it’s almost a shot for shot remake. So, with that being said, I can't make any comparisons between the two films. So, not to spoil anything for you, here's a short summary of what you should expect:

A family consisting of Anna (Naomi Watts), husband George (Tim Roth) and their young boy Georgie (Devon Gearhart) arrive at their lakeside retreat for a sailboat and golfing vacation. All is serene. As father and son set up the boat a diffident young man, introducing himself as Peter (Brady Corbett), calls in on Anna, asking to borrow eggs for her neighbour. When Peter drops the eggs his menacing reserve and insistent politeness leads to a curious confrontation. Soon Peter’s companion Paul (Michael Pitt) joins them, as do George and Georgie. The two visitors start loading their well-spoken and courteous language with intimidation – and then a brutal act of violence is unleashed. So begin Peter and Paul’s funny games as they subject the family to a series of terrifying ordeals.

This is a horror film. But there's no over-the-top gore scenes. That's the beauty and the whole point of Funny Games. The whole movie is a criticism on our fascination with watching people get killed and in turn, it doesn't give the audience the satisfaction - and dare I say excitement - of seeing the victims get killed, which truthfully makes it even more disturbing than if we had seen some special effect. Although I feel like a hypocrite by originally renting it for that exact reason, to catch some cheap thrills and watch some family get killed. It may sound disturbing, but it's without question the truth. There's no other reason anybody wanted to see this film, or any other horror film for that matter, other than to see somebody get brutally slaughtered. I think it was so brilliant of Haneke to pull off a disturbing horror film and yet have it at the same time be a commentary against disturbing horror films.

There's a certain scene where, not to spoil nothing, but one of the main characters actually manages to attack one of the killers and try to escape. But their plans are thwarted when the other killer switches the rewind button on the remote control to prevent this from ever happening. Although this may be unrealistic and provoke a tone completely different from the rest of the film, it makes a statement: no matter what these people do, there is no way they will get out of this alive.

Jennifer's Body (2009) Movie Review

I wonder why so may people hate this movie so much, especially horror-fans. All I hear are rants and complaints about how terrible it was. Rants about how it wasn't bloody enough or scary enough, or how it wasn't funny enough, or even how it lacked a nude Megan Fox (I know, right?). But what I thought from the start was, what did you people expect? Psycho? A major milestone in horror or something? With a title like 'Jennifer's Body' and a plot surrounding a hot high school girl hosting a man-eating demonic spirit (or whatever she was), you shouldn't expect nothing more than a modern teen B-movie.

That's precisely what it is. Although, thankfully, it does not follow along the 'typical' teen horror movie path. It's got plenty of sappy dialogue (I won't even get into the whole Diablo Cody conversation) that you'd expect to hear in a high school in this day and age. It has your average paper thin teen characters, like a Friday the 13th film you'll find all the stereotypes are here. But besides that it's actually pretty gory in some parts. Megan Fox looks as good as always (her acting is the same, too). It's just what I expected, and I found myself very pleased with the end results.

Go back and re-watch a movie like 'Night of the Creeps' or 'Fright Night' and see how much of a trip back to the 80's they were. How enjoyable they are to watch, some cheesy horror/comedies that you'll just keep on going back to year after year to watch. Not to confuse you into thinking Jennifer's Body is anywhere near as good as those two films, but it'll surly leave the same impression when you look back on it in twenty-odd years and fondly remember being a decent representation of it's times.This isn't a bad film, nor does achieve cult-classic status.

I Sell the Dead (2009) Movie Review

The loosely strung-together story turns on the ghoulish adventures of Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan from “Lost”), trained at the crooked knee of Willie Grimes (Mr. Fessenden). Having been sentenced to death for murder, Arthur confesses his sins to a priest in piecemeal flashback. Played by the son for the Satan himself, Hellboy star Ron Perlman is no ordinary priest, as we realize from the moment we witness him kick a homeless man in the gut on the way into the holding cell. Arthur’s troubles began, he explains, when he and Willie started disinterring troublesome corpses, like the one with the stake in her heart. Deciding she would fetch a better price if she didn’t look like an appetizer, Willie tugs out the stake. She attacks. He thrusts it back in. She quiets down. He pulls it out, and so it goes, as the Hammeresque shivers give way to Abbott and Costello-style slapstick.

This scene in particular is very 'Evil Dead' style, and you'll find other small homages to several other cult horror favorites through-out. Under a heavy Hammer horror influence, the sets are full of eerie gothic decor - set in a thick constant fog - providing great atmosphere for such a low budget picture. And, like any film following under a mentor such as Hammer studios, it's crawling with undead monstrosities - zombies, vampires, hideously deformed psychos, and even aliens - 'I Sell the Dead' is packed with all sorts of ghouls. When I picked this up at the video store, I couldn't wait to find out what I was in for. I figured with a line up like this I could be in for either one hell of a ride, or I'd end up sitting through 1&1/2 hours of pure nonsense once again. Guess which one.

To no surprise, 'I Sell the Dead' was just another cheeseball horror/comedy that wasn't scary nor funny enough to be fondly remembered by. Now, I didn't hate this movie mind you. It's not a complete waste of your time, for some parts are actually worth the watch. A film about a pair of down on their luck grave robbers who stumble upon all sorts of trouble when unearthing these strange corpses is a great idea for a movie. Sounds like a unique buddy film to me, with a nice little horrific twist. But alas, like many other films such as this, it sounds much better on paper.

A look back at Dead Snow (Dod sno).

Found this movie a little while back, downloaded it and loved it. If your into Evil Dead style violence and mayhem, there's plenty here to enjoy. Now, those who missed it are fortunate enough to pick it up on DvD and Blu-ray.



The premise of this movie is simple: A group of medical students are spending Easter Break by planning a ski trip in the desolate Scandinavian wilderness. Just like any good horror flick, the gang is greeted by a crazy local who stumbles into their cabin one night and explains the evils that haunt the area. And, of course they ignore the warnings until it's to late. Sure, it may appear this is one of those movies you've seen 1,000 before, but it gets better from there. The antagonists here are evil undead Nazi bastards. When you have a horror film, you want the scariest, most vile and gruesome villain possible - what could be more frightening than the zombified spawn of Hitler, possibly the most evil man on earth? An army of them, no doubt.

The first half of the film seems to be aiming to terrify you, wheres the Nazi zombies stay at a distance in the dark, but at about halfway point (when the sun is at it's highest, and the zombies come out) it's a pure gorefest. It's like your watching a video game on screen (the game Dead Rising comes to mind). The zombies, even wile out in sunlight, are among the best of them - the make up fx look menacing and stylish. And the gore, and there's plenty of it, is at it's finest.

Fans of classic splatter flicks such as The Evil Dead and Brain Dead will rejoice, because they don't skimp out on the red stuff here. Limbs are hacked off, zombies are disemboweled, and people are just torn to shreds. But the violence here is more along the lines of Sam Raimi rather than Lucio Fulci, and while it may be disturbing to some, it's more so humorous than anything. The fact that director Tom Wirkola has an eye for parody and paying homage is also very apparent in Dead Snow, as most of the movie seems to pay its respects to the Eighties slasher genre. However, it's Wirkola's ability to keep things moving with an approach that still feels fresh that keeps Dead Snow from feeling like just another retread of movies that have already been created.

Above all, Dead Snow is along the lines of films like Brain Dead and Evil Dead, where the gore factor is as fun as it is excessive, or if you just enjoy watching Nazi zombies getting splattered, then Dead Snow is definitely the flick for you.

Best Horror Movies of the Decade

My list of the best genre movies of the decade...
(and my ratings, out of 5)

2000 - American Psycho (Mary Harron) *****
2001 - Jeepers Creepers (Victor Slava) ***
2002 - High Tension (Alexandria Aja)***
2003 - 28 Days Later (Danny Boyle) ***
2004 - Dawn of the Dead (Zack Snyder) ****
2005 - The Devil's Rejects (Rob Zombie) *****
2006 - The Hills Have Eyes (Alexandria Aja) ****
2007 - Trick 'r Treat (Michael Daughtry) *****
2008 - Let the Right One In (Thomas Alfredson) *****
2009 - Zombieland (Ruben Fleischer) ****

Honorable Mentions:
Shaun of the Dead (Edgar Wright) ****
INSIDE (À l'intérieur) (Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury) ****
[REC] (Jaume Balagero) ***
Cold Prey (Fritt vilt) (Roar Uthaug) ***
Martyrs (Pascal Laugier) ***
The Descent (Neil Marshal) ***
GRINDHOUSE: Planet Terror (Robert Rodreigez) & Death Proof (Quentin Tarantino) ****
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (Scott Glosserman) ***

As you can see, with a few exceptions, the new decade hasn't been too good on horror movies.

Prolonged District 9 (2009) Review

Review:
Peter Jackson - better known as the mastermind not only behind the magnificent Lord of the Rings trilogy but a string of genre pictures appearing through out the 90's - produced this thrilling science-fiction film about an extraterrestrial concentration camp in Africa. District 9 also marks the directorial debut of South African director Neill Blomkamp. Taking a traditional sci/fi approach, Blomkamp examines contemporary society through a new perspective.


"There's alot of secrets in District 9..."


It's better off the less you know about this film before viewing it the better. In this case, the easiest way to clarify it would be to label it a sci-fi fueled indictment of man's inhumanity to oneself, be it against another race or an entire different species, in this case a species not even from this planet. The biggest difference depicted here that sets this film apart from any other alien invasion film is that the beings - dubbed here as 'prawns' due to their uncanny resemblance to insects - are not the invaders, yet nor are they peaceful visitors to our planet. Their refuges in a trash filled ghetto. Their mother ship isn't a glorious spectacle hovering over a city, it's a rust bucket. And that city isn't Manhattan or Los Angeles or any other glorious Metropolis , it's the slums of Johannesburg, Africa. The aliens are treated offal by the humans. I hope the inhabitants of Earth never come in contact with over worldly beings because the reality of how we interact with them may be similar to what's depicted here, which is a grim thought.


As a directorial debut, District 9 is a well crafted sci-fi thrill ride that deserves to be remembered for years to come not only for it's unique approach to the genre, but the message sent here. Not that this is a fable with an inner meaning to it, but it'll leave a deeper emotional impact on you than other brain numbing summer blockbusters about giant robots and action heros. This movie doesn't reach the tip of perfection one bit, but delivers more brainpower than your average apocalyptic fantasy. Not to mention a first time for lead actor Sharlto Copley, specifically hand picked by director Blompkamp and personally approved by Jackson. You'll be wowed by Copley. His heart-rending tour de force deserves comparison to Jeff Goldblum's in The Fly. And to me, that's high praise. District 9, with a chump-change budget of $30 million, soars on the imagination of its creators. This baby has the stuff to end the movie summer on a note of dazzle and distinction..

Paranormal Activity (2009) Review

Review:
Yes, Paranormal Activity managed to do something that almost no other ghost movie in the past 25 years has managed to do: actually be scary. Like Blair Witch, it's presented entirely through self-shot footage (or from a fixed tripod in their bedroom), and ramps up from simple noises to truly freaky violent acts. The increasingly terrifying nature of the scares is what really makes the film work. Not trying to be a tough guy by saying movies don't scare me, but movies don't scare me. Maybe once in a while, when all the lights are dim and I'm all alone - and this is only under certain surcumstances - if I'm in the right mood I'll get a little freaked out, and I still don't recall the last time this occurred. Well, if I had the opportunity to watch this film in said environment, it has the potential to be truly frightening. I'll admit, it's not a perfect film but any movie that prevents me from taking that dark and lonely walk down the hall from bedroom to bathroom to take a leak is more than worth all of my praise. So congratulations go to you, Paranormal Activity, for making me look over my shoulder if I happen to hear a creak in the floor boards or some other unexplained, unexpected noise.

But how scary is it, really? Is it like everyone says, the scariest movie ever? I'll have to say no, it's not. Although some parts are terrifying in their own right, the movie itself could have been better. Much like Blair Witch, this movie could come off as extremely terrifying to some people, yet terrible to others. You either get it or you don't. If you got Blair Witch and understood what was going on there, if you put yourself in their place, it's a truly horrifying experience. But, if your one of the people who either wasn't paying attention or just didn't get what was going on, it'll just be a nauseating movie going experience. The same applies here, but while I think Blair Witch is the stronger film by far, I think it's easier to follow along with Paranormal Activity. It plays off all your contemporary fears: fear of the dark, fear of being watched, fear of the unexplained, and of course fear of the supernatural. Noises play a key role here, but there not found in cheap jump scares. You can almost follow this entity (you never truly discover what it is) about the house by hearing loud thuds and strange sounds. It seems very real, and seeing the actual monster is not the scary part, but just knowing it's there but not seeing it is the scary part.

Sure, you could walk out of the theater with your head held high without flinching the whole film, but once you get home, no matter how brave you are, once you hear a door slam or a board creak somewhere in your house your head will be peering over your shoulder examining everything in sight. And that's the scary part, after the movie when your laying in your bed and you hear that sound, but don't know where it came from, or what caused it.