Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) Review

Cast:
Billy Nighy as Viktor
Michael Sheen as Lucian
Rhona Mitra as Sonja
Kevin Grevioux as Raze
Steven Mackintosh as Tannis

Directed by Patrick Tatopoulos

Review:

To be honest, after seeing this, I'd say the bloodsuckers had it coming. The first two films the lycans were the baddies, and you were all for the vampires. This time it's different. When Lycans picks up, the vampires are living in a big mountainside fortress under the reign of Viktor (Billy Nighy). Viktor fathers the upbringing of Lucian the first Lycan, a man/beast hybrid who can transform at will. He enslaves the dutiful Lucian (Michael Sheen) and forces the young man to create more like him (a simple process of capture, bite, and repeat). With an army of Lycans, the vampires can now use these creatures to do the grunt work and serve as guard dogs from the true werewolves that live in the surrounding woods. But,Viktor's runaway creation will ultimately turn on him.


Unbeknownst to Viktor, his daughter, Sonja (Rhona Mitra), is in love with Lucian. This forbidden "Romeo & Juliet" affair, thankfully, isn't seen blossoming in Lycans - it's already happening. When we first find Lucian sneaking beyond the confines of the castle walls, it's because he's off with Sonja on a mountaintop. There's always bound to be eyes watching somewhere, however, and it isn't long before this relationship creates conflict between Sonja and Viktor, then Viktor and Lucian...then Lucian's army and anyone who happens to sport a pair of fangs and wear a cool scary armor.


Tatopoulos and screenwriters Danny McBride, Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain present what they've teased since the first film: A crowd of vampires and werewolves tearing each other apart. Of course that's the pay-off as Tatopoulos devises a number of brutal action set-pieces throughout the film to get you warmed up, from a werewolf sneak attack to a Lycan prison break during which the vampire Death Dealers turn their massive crossbows into the castle for a slaughter that finds prisoners being harpooned through the chest and face. When the big brawl comes, it is admittedly pretty cool to witness hundreds of werewolves charging into battle.


Without some advancement in the special effects, none of this would have worked and thankfully Tatopoulos and his team, on both the practical and CG front, pull it off. Ross Emery's photography captures the gloomy visual aesthetic of the series which, in fact, helps ease the digital-looking nature of the loping lycanthropes who, here, bound through the trees, burrow in the ground and scale rock walls. (Although I find it funny that during their "down time" they're just lounging around in a cave somewhere.)


The production design is eye-catching and the attention to detail is to be commended. Tatopoulos succeeds in making Lycans look big. The castles, caves, and forests are amazing. Even the costumes worn look great. Without a doubt the team behind this latest entry knows the world inside and out and they've crafted an enjoyable living, breathing gothic fairytale. It still takes itself pretty seriously, but unlike the previous entries, you're not sitting through the action sequences preoccupied with trying to sort out the labyrinthine connections between all of the characters (a big flaw of Underworld: Evolution). Lycans wets the appetite for not more adventures of Selene and Michael Corvin (Beckinsale and Scott Speedman, respectively) but exploration of Lucian's journey. Furthermore, it launches what is hopefully a long directing career for Tatopoulos. This is an auspicious debut for the FX and production design vet.


B-

Midnight Meat Train (2008) Review

Cast:
Bradley Cooper as Leon Kauffman
Vinnie Jones as Mahogany
Leslie Bibb as Maya
Brooke Shields as Susan Hoff
Roger Bart as Jurgis

Directed by Ryuhei Kitamura

Review:

Bradley Cooper is Leon, a photographer living with his supportive girlfriend, Maya (Bibb), a waitress at a nearby diner. Leon gets his big chance to woo a local art gallery owner, Susan Hoff (Shields), but when she delivers him some harsh truths about his work, he's forced to go deeper and get grittier before his photos can be deemed worthy to line Hoff's gallery. So, off Leon goes, into the bowels of the city, at first drawn to the subway by following a group of thugs who ultimately harass a young woman Leon saves. The next day, however, said woman is on the front page of the paper, reported "missing." His second jaunt to the subway introduces him to a tall man named Mahogany (Jones in a non-speaking role) which sets off an obsession in Leon and an eventual suspicion that Mahogany could be responsible for a rash of disappearances throughout the city. This naturally upsets his loving relationship with Maya and propels Leon down a blood-soaked path.

Midnight Meat Train starts off strong and wastes little time plumbing the depths of Leon's dedication to his craft. There's a sense of sympathy for Mahogany, evident in the Barker story, that's lost in translation. Still, Jones is a force to be reckoned with and his performance recalls the old days of cinema where so much expression needs to be read in the eyes and face.

There are some memorable kills on display and director Kitamura doesn't skimp on the blood. He also obviously doesn't mind the ambiguity Buhler's script offers in the end (a faithful conclusion) which is so goddamn refreshing in this day and age of exposition.

Questionable pacing issues aside, Midnight Meat Train is a welcome, adult R-rated horror film. A sobering reminder - hitting you like a slap to the face - that there are still plenty of Barker stories, however bizarre, ripe for adaptation. Midnight Meat Train was one and it may have taken some time to reach its final destination, but the wait was worth it. It's seedy, strange, creepy as hell and it relishes an exploitive gross-out gag here and there. That's a a ride I'll take anyday.

B+

Laid to Rest (2009) Review

Cast:
Bobbi Sue Luther as The Girl
Kevin Gage as Tucker
Lena Headey as Cindy
Sean Whalen as Steven
Richard Lynch as Mr. Jones
Johnathon Schaech as Johnny
Thomas Dekker as Tommy
Nick Principe as Chrome Skull

Directed by Robert Hall

Review:
Sometimes I worry that I blindly accept any slasher movie that comes along as being worthwhile, regardless of the film's actual quality. Admittedly that's not a great deal to worry about but I as I eagerly embrace one slasher film after another as other fans and critics jump to pick them apart, I do have to wonder if my misspent adolescence being a huge fan of the '80s horror flicks made me too fond of the slasher sub-genre for my own good. But thankfully, Laid To Rest is the exception that proves the rule. I really disliked this movie, which leaves me relieved to know my objectivity is intact.

The plot is quite simple: an amnesiac woman (Bobbi Sue Luther) wakes up inside of a casket in a funeral home. Upon escaping from the casket, she immediately finds herself pursued by the diabolical killer known as Chrome Skull (Nick Principe) and is forced to run for her life. With no memory of who she is or why this killer is targeting her, she has no choice but to stay ahead of Chrome Skull at all costs ? seeking help wherever she can find it.

Although I don't find the cinematography to be anything special, the elaborate splatter effects (courtesy of Hall's FX company Almost Human) are down right amazing. And slasher fans like myself will take enthusiastic notice of Laid To Rest's villainous Chrome Skull. With his gleaming skull mask, it's as though he stepped off the cover of an early '80s heavy metal album. As soon as you see him, you want to see him in action. But while he does get in some amazing kills, sadly Laid to Rest is a terrible debut for old Chrome Skull.

Every half decent slasher needs a good survivor girl, who thwarts the villain and against all odds comes out on top in the end. Luther's character really does come across as someone who doesn't have the skills she needs to live through this ordeal. Rather than evincing the kind of resourcefulness and self-sufficiency that one wants to see in a slasher heroine, Luther brings a lot of whimpering and crying to it.

The amount of blood shed on display here might be enough to warrant a cursory glance from slasher fans but while Chrome Skull's metallic mask is an undeniably cool sight; Laid To Rest's characters and plotting could have been better.

C

Friday the 13th (2009)

Cast:
Jared Padalecki as Clay
Derek Mears as Jason Voorhees
Danielle Panabaker as Jenna
Amanda Righetti as Whitney
Travis Van Winkle as Trent
Aaron Yoo as Chewie
Arlen Escarpeta as Lawrence
Julianna Guill as Bree

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Review:

I liked the cast, I liked Jason's look, and I liked that they seemingly were trying really hard to make an F13 film that would sit comfortably with parts 1-4 (swap out 3 for 6, and that's the best of the franchise). And while the end product is satisfying and occasionally great, there are some blunders that keep it from being the "ultimate Jason" movie that it could have easily been with another pass or two at the script.

Ok, so this is what works. The opening scene, which quickly explains the events of the original Friday, is in my opinion a great idea. You can't ignore the mother, but you don't want to take to much time on it either, so they blend it with the opening credits and get it out of the way. Also, Derek Mears is a great Jason - he's got the physicality and presence to match up with the best Jason's yet. Great job with the makeup, too. Making him look human, but not just a hillbilly in a mask, like he often appeared in the earlier films. You really feel that he's a guy who's lived in the woods for his whole life. As far as the 'unique' kills featured in the ladder of the franchise, Jason sticks to the basics (machete, axe, his bare hands) for the most part. He even uses an arrow for the first time since the original, showing he's smarter than you'd expect. As I've said before, it's the films without gimmicks (Jason goes to Manhattan, Jason goes to Hell and ever Space for instance), with Jason just being Jason, that turn out the best.

For every plus, there's a minus. The biggest is the rather awkward setup. After the "Mrs. Voorhees" prologue, we are introduced to a group of kids. But Jared Padalecki and the other main actors are not among them, so you know they aren't living long - they are ultimately just there to provide a body count (this film has 13 corpses to be exact) and introduce Amanda Righetti's character, who Padalecki will spend the entire film looking for once he is finally introduced. Weird enough, this throwaway group of kids is actually more fun and "Friday" style than the real group that comes along later. So while you are enjoying their antics and interactions
(some funny, some rather brutal), you know they're all goners. It's basically a second prologue, one that lasts about 15-20 minutes. With the happenings here, most horror movies would be over, but this is only the beginning.

Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) is playing a variant of the Rob character from part 4, venturing to Crystal Lake six weeks later to find his sister. The other kids are natural and fun and function as they are supposed to, no complaints there. Usually in every Friday movie (and most slasher films) there's one last survivor, usually a girl, who finds all her friends bodies and eventually confronts the killer. The search for missing sister setup allows for the film to have essentially two Final Girls. Righetti is one, the other is Danielle Panabaker. You know the fates of every other character, so it was nice to have a little bit of suspense whenever one of the two girls were in danger, because you suspect that one of them will die, you're just not sure which. It's one of the best ways around an inherent flaw in the slasher formula I've ever seen.

Jason using bear traps and setting trip wires to alert him is a good addition to the character. I prefer the 'human' Jason, and here's the best one yet. The movie is the best since Jason Lives (part 6, this was part 12) by far, which in itself is a huge accomplishment, as I was starting to suspect that it was just not possible to make a good Jason film anymore. The Dunes have done that; I just hope next time they make a great one.

B+

Metallica - RE-LOAD

This is my thoughts on Metallica: Re-Load (1997), the follow up to 1996's Load.



Fuel - *****
The Memory Remains - *****
Devil's Dance - ****
The Unforgiven 2 - ****
Better than You - ****
Slither - ***
Carpe Diem Baby - ***
Bad Seed - ***
Where the Wild Things Are - ***
Prince Charming - ****
Low Man's Lyric - ***
Attitude - ***
Fixxer - ***

In my review of LOAD, I strayed away from low scores (due to my dedication to my fav. band, I didn't have the heart to give below a 3 - no matter how bad it was). This I was completely honest. There were alot of good songs on here, but there are also alot of so so ones. Much like LOAD, this is simply one of Metallica's average albums.

Total:

METALLICA - LOAD [1996] (my review)

Metallica. The greatest metal band ever. I'm a huge fan. Possibly being my favorite band of all time. I've recently listened to LOAD, not one of Metallica's more popular albums,but it's Metallica never the less. I just thought I'd shed my 2 cents on it.

According to drummer Lars Ulrich: "This album and what we're doing with it - that, to me, is what Metallica are all about: exploring different things. The minute you stop exploring, then just sit down and fucking die."

*LOAD is some what different than Metallica's normal work - actually very different.

*The cover of the album is original artwork entitled "Semen and Blood III." It is one of three photographic studies by Andres Serrano created in 1990 by mingling the artist's own semen and bovine blood between two sheets of Plexiglas.



Song list: (out of five)
Ain't My Bitch - ****
2 x 4 - ***
King Nothing - *****
Hero of the Day - *****
Bleeding Me - ***
Cure - ***
Poor Twisted Me - ***
Waste My Hate - ****
Mama Said - ***
Thorn Within - ***
Ronnie - ***
The Outlaw Torn - ***
The House that Jack Built - ***
Until It Sleeps - ****
Wiskey in the Jar - *****
Well, Load may not be one of my favorite albums, but it's worth a listen.

total: